So, I just turned 40.
I know, I know. You're too kind. I don't look a day older than 39, right?
I know you're lying and trying to be kind, ignoring those crows feet next to my eyes and the balding crown on my head that's growing bigger.
But thanks.
What people need when they turn 40 is little excuse to book a trip abroad with their mates to celebrate the big day. So that's what I did.
After a small amount of umming and arring on the location, I plumped for the dual delight of Helsinki and Tallinn. A Scandi-Baltic, Michael Palin-style, mini European jaunt if ever there was one.
I was joined on this three-night tour by esteemed friends Mark, Phil, Terry, Jon and Will.
Life with kids means overseas travel has had to take an understandable back seat. So rocking up at Gatwick for a three-night break to two new countries really did feel special.
My allocated seat on the flight was a middle seat. Not ideal for a 2.5hr flight, so as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, I nipped to the loo, spotted a free window seat at the back of the plane and moved.
It meant I could take in the hundreds of mainly uninhabited islands as we flew into Helsinki over southern Finland:
From Helsinki airport we jumped on the train into town, trying in vain to locate the ticket machine on board, only to be met by the ticket inspector.
In some countries the greeting would have been stern, accusatory, punitive.
Here, the friendly chap explained to us in perfect English that even though he should be charging us a Zone 1-3 fare, he was only going to charge us a Zone 1 fare. Just because.
Well, if that's the sort of welcome you get from your first encounter in a new country, I'm on board.
We arrived at the 1930s-era central station, in which a brash Burger King had taken situ in one of the amazing art deco arched spaces, and decided to walk the 20 minutes to our hotel by the west harbour.
On first impressions, Helsinki felt more (Soviet-era) Russian than European. Unsurprisingly perhaps, seeing it borders Russia and was only recently occupied by them.
Wide avenues and sharp, right-angled buildings reminded me of previous trips to Kiev, Minsk and the like.
Our hotel was of a different ilk, complete with a Shoreditch-style lobby of neon signs and a graffiti-ed bar, and part of the Radisson Blu group. Very nice it was too.
I know, I know. You're too kind. I don't look a day older than 39, right?
I know you're lying and trying to be kind, ignoring those crows feet next to my eyes and the balding crown on my head that's growing bigger.
But thanks.
What people need when they turn 40 is little excuse to book a trip abroad with their mates to celebrate the big day. So that's what I did.
After a small amount of umming and arring on the location, I plumped for the dual delight of Helsinki and Tallinn. A Scandi-Baltic, Michael Palin-style, mini European jaunt if ever there was one.
I was joined on this three-night tour by esteemed friends Mark, Phil, Terry, Jon and Will.
Life with kids means overseas travel has had to take an understandable back seat. So rocking up at Gatwick for a three-night break to two new countries really did feel special.
My allocated seat on the flight was a middle seat. Not ideal for a 2.5hr flight, so as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, I nipped to the loo, spotted a free window seat at the back of the plane and moved.
It meant I could take in the hundreds of mainly uninhabited islands as we flew into Helsinki over southern Finland:
From Helsinki airport we jumped on the train into town, trying in vain to locate the ticket machine on board, only to be met by the ticket inspector.
In some countries the greeting would have been stern, accusatory, punitive.
Here, the friendly chap explained to us in perfect English that even though he should be charging us a Zone 1-3 fare, he was only going to charge us a Zone 1 fare. Just because.
Well, if that's the sort of welcome you get from your first encounter in a new country, I'm on board.
We arrived at the 1930s-era central station, in which a brash Burger King had taken situ in one of the amazing art deco arched spaces, and decided to walk the 20 minutes to our hotel by the west harbour.
On first impressions, Helsinki felt more (Soviet-era) Russian than European. Unsurprisingly perhaps, seeing it borders Russia and was only recently occupied by them.
Wide avenues and sharp, right-angled buildings reminded me of previous trips to Kiev, Minsk and the like.
Our hotel was of a different ilk, complete with a Shoreditch-style lobby of neon signs and a graffiti-ed bar, and part of the Radisson Blu group. Very nice it was too.
I had a view over the harbour, a massive bed and a perfectly functioning bathroom. What more do you need?
Will was joining us the following afternoon, so the five of us enjoyed a few drinks in the One Pint Pub - a craft beer place just across the harbour - and soaked up some sunshine.
The pub was our first experience of Helsinki's alcohol prices (something close to the hearts of six lads on a birthday weekend). Once we'd done the sums, we figured we were paying about £8 a pint. Welcome to Scandinavia.
We sampled a few of the local brews, including from the local Tanker brewery. One wag had crafted his or her own interpretation onto the beer fridge in the One Pint Pub:
On the first evening we went for dinner at a place called Konstan Molja, and it was fantastic. A small, rustic joint owned by the same couple who had been cooking there for years.
We ate from a buffet of reindeer, salmon, potatoes and veg. All thrown together and all delicious. There was cheap beer and a buzzing atmosphere - the perfect start to our first night in this new city.
Will was joining us the following afternoon, so the five of us enjoyed a few drinks in the One Pint Pub - a craft beer place just across the harbour - and soaked up some sunshine.
The pub was our first experience of Helsinki's alcohol prices (something close to the hearts of six lads on a birthday weekend). Once we'd done the sums, we figured we were paying about £8 a pint. Welcome to Scandinavia.
We sampled a few of the local brews, including from the local Tanker brewery. One wag had crafted his or her own interpretation onto the beer fridge in the One Pint Pub:
On the first evening we went for dinner at a place called Konstan Molja, and it was fantastic. A small, rustic joint owned by the same couple who had been cooking there for years.
We ate from a buffet of reindeer, salmon, potatoes and veg. All thrown together and all delicious. There was cheap beer and a buzzing atmosphere - the perfect start to our first night in this new city.
Afterwards we headed to a rooftop bar of a hotel whose name escapes me. We'd read about the superb sunset views and the reality lived up to the hype.
After squeezing in to a tiny, velvet-lined lift we were whisked up to the top floor of the hotel which housed a couple of small outdoor terraces with a bar in between.
The mojitos were wallet-busting and not very tasty, but the view made up for it.
The following morning we headed to the harbour, passing the food stalls selling freshly-caught fish, and hopped on a small ferry to the islands of Suomenlinna.
Suomenlinna is probably Helsinki's top tourist destination and, in typical Scandi style, it was understated, pared back and peaceful.
It's a former army outpost, made up of a few small islands with footbridges connecting them. We walked around the barracks and up on the ramparts, taking in the odd church and views out over the Baltic sea.
After a couple of hours we took the ferry back to the mainland and bought the Finnish version of 'street food': fish cooked various ways.
I ordered whitebait and calamari and sat on a bench with other tourists and locals to eat.
In the afternoon Mark and I separated from the others - not fancying their plan of taking in a football match - and went to a cultural music festival that was taking place in the centre of the city.
We bought some cans, found a spot on the grass and watched the world go by.
Will arrived in late afternoon, re-energising the group and helping us shake off the hungover excesses of the night before.
We decided to head to Kallio, the hipster district in the north of the city, for dinner and a night out. Helsinki's nightlife felt quite low-key compared to other European capitals, but we knew if there was a party to be had, it would be had in Kallio.
Our first task was to line stomachs, and we chose another restaurant specialising in local food. I had some sort of meat, potato and egg dish which didn't blow me away but did the job just fine.
Just down the road from the restaurant was pub on the corner which looked like a fairly standard pit stop. We ordered some pints of Karhu and watched the FA Cup final on TV.
Members of our group kept coming back from the toilet with stories to tell about dodgy characters having scuffles with each other, dealing and snorting drugs. It didn't seem like the friendliest place, so we soon drank up and moved on.
We visited a couple of other bars, both of which would have fitted in perfectly in London's Shoreditch or Dalston. Retro furniture, distressed skinny jeans, craft beer. You know the drill.
What I began to notice, particularly because we were supposedly in the most bustling part of the city for nightlife on a Saturday evening, was the lack of people and 'buzz' on the streets.
The population of Finland - and the amount of people per square mile - is vastly smaller than England and it was really noticeable how quiet and peaceful it was. Maybe too much at times (for a group looking for a big night out).
After Kallio we walked down the hill to a collection of old warehouses that had now been turned into clubs and bars. Unfortunately we couldn't get in to any of them due to big queues and a one-in-one-out policy.
Eventually the final three (me, Phil and Will) ended up in a soft-rock club somewhere and finished the evening dancing to Nickelback and the Spin Doctors.
We had an early start on the Sunday, too early even to take advantage of the full buffet breakfast we'd paid for at the hotel. Damn you.
Will enjoyed a lie-in as he was flying directly back to London from Helsinki later that day. The rest of us were off across the Baltic Sea to Tallinn in Estonia.
The ferry port was a short walk from the hotel and we were soon on board and away. We chose a base overlooking the performance stage at the back of the boat. From there we could take in the random selection of bands and music soloists chosen to 'entertain' us on the 3-hour crossing.
The Helsinki-Tallinn crossing is known as one of Europe's classic booze cruises. But for us, at 9am on a Sunday morning with a collective hangover, it was coffees, orange juices and a blast of sea air on deck. (Apart from Terry, who fancied his usual tipple...)
Once in Tallinn, we walked from the ferry port to the old town. The whole journey from one city to the other was so simple and easy. No wonder it's a well-trodden path for tourists.
Tallinn was so different to Helsinki from an architectural point of view. It immediately felt familiar, like places I've been to in the Czech Republic, Austria, Slovenia and elsewhere.
The cobbled streets, wooden-beamed houses and higgledy-piggledy streets were a far cry from the grid of concrete buildings across the water in Helsinki.
The sun shone for most of the 24 hours we were there, meaning we could enjoy al fresco drinks and people watching in the cafes and bars spread out over the town.
I managed to book us a table at one of the most well-renowned restaurants in Tallinn. It was housed in a 17th century building that had been painstakingly converted into a roomy, stone-floored restaurant.
The food was sensational, which we washed down with some craft beer and local wine. One of the culinary highlights of the weekend.
After lunch we went on a long ramble around the picturesque Estonian capital before settling down on the wall of the old town and doing some people watching.
Our last night on this mini two-city tour was great fun. It started slowly, as the best nights out often do, lulling you in a sense of false security.
It ended with singing karaoke, having a dance and watching the sun rise at some early hour. Fun times.
The next day it was time to give our livers a rest and head home, back to my twins and understanding wife, and refreshed from a great few days away with good friends in interesting, new places.
Happy 40th to me!